Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
