Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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