Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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