Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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