Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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