You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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