im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Cover your peen. We're going out.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
