none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
