My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
