I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
