literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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