On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
