then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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