I cockslap morals
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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