yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Randomize
