We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
it's like heaven, but drunker
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
