remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
