Reggie can tackle my bush.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
