i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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