i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
