I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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