Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
