How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
