I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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