Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
