oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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