we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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