Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
