No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
