I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
