you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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