I wish I could teleport
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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