I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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