dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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