I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
