I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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