There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
