Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
