we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
