walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
