If that was your dad, he is hot
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
