Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
