Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
