He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
