Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
