in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
