I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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