Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
