someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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