chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
